KEY ESSAY WRITING SKILLS
Creating a conceptualised response around a clear thesis
This is an important skill for accessing the very top of the GCSE mark scheme. It’s also an important skill for writing essays in general. Essentially, when you are writing an essay you want the whole essay to form a single unified argument based around a core idea — what the exam board refer to as a ‘conceptualised response’. This guide will take you through what that means and how to do it.
What is a conceptualised response?
When you are writing an essay you want the whole essay to form a single unified argument based around a core idea – what AQA refer to as a ‘conceptualised response’.
As you should know from earlier guides on this website, an essay is an argument. In those earlier guides we talked about how the PEA structure is a method for making that argument: the point is what you want to argue for, then you provide evidence, then you provide your reasoning for why the evidence proves the point. This creates an argument.
To create a conceptualised response to an essay question, you need to apply the same fundamental principle to the whole essay, and not just each individual paragraph. This will make your essay one big, unified argument built around a core idea (or concept, which is why it’s called a conceptualised response) called a thesis.
How to create a thesis
Your thesis will form the introduction paragraph of your essay and the ideas it contains will be the heart of your conceptualised response. A thesis is defined as ‘a statement or theory that is put forward as a premise to be proven’. In other words, it is the thing you will argue for, and hopefully prove, in your essay. You need to come up with your thesis first before you start planning or writing your essay. Let’s look at a quick example just to help you understand what a thesis looks like; then we’ll go through it in more detail.
An example of a good thesis for an essay answering the question: How does Charlotte Perkins Gilman present ideas about gender in ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’?
In ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’ Perkins Gilman suggests that male power can be harmful to both men and women, even when the men are essentially well-intentioned. The story implies that the problem with a male-dominated society (a patriarchy) is not nasty men intentionally causing harm: it is the power-structure itself and the mindset which it creates, even in relatively kind and well-intentioned people.
What a thesis needs to be
It must directly address the question. It should provide a miniature, self-contained answer to the question, though one that needs to be explained in more detail in the rest of the essay in order to be proved true.
It should be unified and not just a series of separate, unconnected points, which have been stuck together. In other words, it needs to be a concept. This is one of the trickier parts of coming up with a thesis.
It should be ideas-based, or at least contain big ideas — this is easier with theme questions, like the example above, but even with character questions, you should include big ideas in the thesis. If you’re not sure what we mean by ‘big ideas’ read the guide to writing about big ideas.
It should say the most interesting thing that you can think of to say — this means being subtle and nuanced; don’t just say the basic, obvious thing — try to capture some of the complexities of the ideas in the text; show that you understand that nothing is simple or black and white; the world doesn’t work this way, and neither do any of the texts you will write essays about. One simple way to think about this is that your thesis (and thus your entire essay argument) needs to contain some kind of ‘however’ moment — this will help you to show a clear awareness that you can see multiple sides of the question. It doesn’t have to literally use the word ‘however’, though it may well do, but you need this sense of a contrast, a discussion of more than one side. This is essential for accessing the top two bands of the mark scheme.
It does not need to be very long. Three sentences or so should do it. If it’s too long then you’re probably breaking Rule 2 above.
To help make these 5 things clearer let’s look first at a poor example of a thesis, and then we’ll look again at the good example from earlier on. Both examples will use the same question as before: How does Charlotte Perkins Gilman present ideas about gender in ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’? It doesn’t matter whether you’ve studied this story yet – you should still be able to see the difference between the two examples.
A poor thesis, which is still recognisably a thesis
In ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’ Perkins Gilman suggests that male power makes women’s lives miserable. It damages their mental health, as with the narrator in the story, and it makes women like Jenny feel happy and content just to be housewives. It also means men think they can do whatever they like.
Let’s start with the positives: this thesis is the right sort of length, it does address the question directly and it starts with a statement that is not untrue, though it is rather simplistic. It is also ideas-based — it talks about women in general and men in general. However, it goes off the rails a bit in the second and third sentences because it lists three different ideas (damages mental health, causes women to be content as housewives, makes men think they can do what they want) which aren’t really connected to one another, or at least not as connected as they ought to be, so it isn’t really unified. Moreover, it lacks nuance and subtlety — it says something fairly basic, without any awareness of multiple sides of the issue, whilst the story itself says something more interesting.
A better thesis for the same question
In ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’ Perkins Gilman suggests that male power can be harmful to both men and women, even when the men are essentially well-intentioned. The story implies that the problem with a male-dominated society (a patriarchy) is not nasty men intentionally causing harm: it is the power-structure itself and the mindset which it creates, even in relatively kind and well-intentioned people.
Like the last example, this thesis is the right sort of length, and it is ideas-based, directly addressing the question. However, it is immediately more subtle than the previous example, through the phrase “can be” and by adding a qualifying statement (“even when”) in the first sentence. Then it elaborates on this core idea by explaining it in more detail, without listing lots of different unconnected ideas. This thesis also says something much more interesting about male power than the previous example, providing a less simplistic, less black-and-white view of the big idea which the question wants you to write about (gender). It doesn’t use the word ‘however’ but it shows, through that “even when” that the student understands the complexities in the story.
Two more examples for different questions
To finish this first part of the guide, let’s look at another couple of example theses (that’s the plural form of thesis) based on different types of question.
Example 1
First, we’ll look at a comparison question: Compare how the poets present ideas about death in ‘Dark House’ by Alfred, Lord Tennyson and ‘For Jane’ by Charles Bukowski. This question is similar to the last one in that it’s ideas-based, but it’s also comparative, which makes it different. Here’s an example thesis:
Both ‘Dark House’ and ‘For Jane’ explore the effects of bereavement over time, conveying the way grief can bring sadness and pain to a person’s life. In 'For Jane’ Charles Bukowski gives us a window into this pain as it is happening, suggesting that grief can be unbearable and overwhelming, especially in the first year after a bereavement. However, in 'Dark House’, Tennyson gives us a slightly more hopeful picture from later in the grieving process, suggesting that, over time, people can learn to live with their grief, even if it still hurts.
Here we have another very ideas-based thesis, focussing on grief and its effects. There is a unifying statement in the first sentence, which is the core concept in the thesis. Then the second and third sentences explain how each poem differs in the way it presents that core concept, providing the ‘however’ moment that shows an understanding of the different sides of the issue. And the ideas in each poem are connected through key words and phrases (“in the first year” vs. “later in the grieving process”, “unbearable” vs. “learn to live with…still hurts”). Though a little longer than the previous examples, this thesis is still only three sentences long, too. Thus, it does all five things in our list.
Example 2
Finally, we’ll look at a character-based question: How does Shakespeare present the relationship between Macbeth and Lady Macbeth in ‘Macbeth’? Here’s an example thesis:
In ‘Macbeth’ Shakespeare uses the relationship between Macbeth and Lady Macbeth to convey the terrible effects that excessive ambition can have on individuals. At the start of the play, their relationship is close and loving – they are a team, albeit one with an unusual power dynamic. However, after Macbeth becomes king, the marriage breaks down completely, showing how the desire for power harms not only those people subordinate to power, but also powerful people themselves.
This thesis is a bit less ideas-based than the other examples because the question is character-based. However, you should be able to see that it explains how the characters are used in the play to convey ideas about power and ambition. Wherever possible, this is the approach you should take when answering character-based questions. Otherwise, this thesis does all five things in our list, though it is a bit less interesting and subtle than the other examples. It’s still fine, though, and does have a ‘however’ moment which will allow the essay to access the higher bands in the mark scheme.
How to break the thesis down into paragraph points
Before we begin, if you struggle to write paragraph points, or you’ve forgotten how to do it properly, check out the second guide in this Making an argument series on devising and phrasing paragraph points. Otherwise, keep reading.
Once you’ve got your thesis, you need to figure out how you’re going to break it down into paragraphs. Remember: the purpose of the rest of your essay is to prove that the thesis is true, so each of your paragraphs needs to be a mini-argument that proves an aspect of your thesis. This means that each paragraph point needs to take an aspect of your thesis and explain it in more detail. Now, this may seem like a contradiction of what we’ve been saying about the thesis being unified — a single core idea — but, providing your thesis is sufficiently complex, this won’t be a problem because you’ll be able to break it down into smaller parts. Let’s look at an example using the first thesis we looked at, with some parts highlighted in bold.
In ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’ Perkins Gilman suggests that male power can be harmful to both men and women, even when the men are essentially well-intentioned. The story implies that the problem with a male-dominated society (a patriarchy) is not nasty men intentionally causing harm: it is the power-structure itself and the mindset which it creates, even in relatively kind and well-intentioned people.
Here, the key ideas from the thesis have been highlighted. This is the first step in breaking it down into paragraphs. (You don’t have to literally highlight them – you just need to figure out what they are.) Here, the core ideas are:
Male power harms men and women alike
The men in power don’t have to be nasty – they can be kind and well-intentioned
The mindset male power creates is the problem – not individual men
So, in order to prove this thesis we need to prove that the text conveys all three of these ideas. Helpfully, the order that the ideas occur in this thesis is also a natural order for the ideas to be explained in. This will often be the case, though not always. What matters is that you put the ideas in the right order in the essay. And the order your paragraphs go in should matter, if you want to create a conceptualised response. The ideas need to be connected and dependent – they should build on one another. You should use connective words and phrases (‘however’, ‘nevertheless’, plus more specific phrases like in the examples below) to connect your paragraphs together so they flow together, rather than feeling separate. Here’s how we could write the points for this thesis, with the connecting words and phrases underlined:
Throughout the story, Perkins Gilman presents the range of ways in which male power harms both men and women, though women to a much greater extent.
However, Perkins Gilman also emphasises that, for this harm to be done, the men in power do not need to be nasty: even kind and well-intentioned men can cause harm if they have power.
The problem, Perkins Gilman suggests, is not individual men (well-intentioned or otherwise) but the mindset that patriarchy creates in both men and women: this is what needs to change in society.
Notice the way the points connect to one another through words like “however”, and short connective phrases like “for this harm to be done” (connecting point 2 to point 1) and “well-intentioned or otherwise” (connecting point 3 to point 2). This is not absolutely essential, but if you want to do a really good job at this skill, you should be aiming for this. Notice too that we have ‘however’ in one of our points - emphasising the ‘however’ moment in the thesis.
One more example
Before we move on to the third part of this guide, let’s just look at one other example from earlier. The thesis was as follows, with the key ideas isolated and highlighted:
Both ‘Dark House’ and ‘For Jane’ explore the effects of bereavement over time, conveying the way grief can bring sadness and pain to a person’s life. In 'For Jane’ Charles Bukowski gives us a window into this pain as it is happening, suggesting that grief can be unbearable and overwhelming, especially in the first year after a bereavement. However, in 'Dark House’, Tennyson gives us a slightly more hopeful picture from later in the grieving process, suggesting that, over time, people can learn to live with their grief, even if it still hurts.
There are multiple ways this could be split across paragraphs, as there very often are. There is rarely only one way to break a thesis down into multiple paragraphs. Here are a couple of options for this thesis, with the connective words and phrases underlined once again:
Option 1: three paragraphs
Both poets suggest that grief can bring sadness and pain to a person’s life, causing real hardship.
In his poem, Bukowski suggests that when the grief is still fairly fresh the sadness and pain it causes can be unbearable and overwhelming.
However, Tennyson tells us that, over time, people can learn to live with their grief, though this doesn’t mean the pain goes away.
Option 2: two paragraphs
Both poets suggest that grief can bring sadness and pain to a person’s life, causing real hardship.
However, the poets also suggests that the amount of pain changes over time: at first it can seem unbearable, but over time, it is possible to learn to live with it.
Notice that for both of these options the paragraph points only work in the specified order. You couldn’t swap them round and have them still make sense. This should be the case for all your paragraphs points in a conceptualised essay. Also note the way the points are phrased so that they seem connected, rather than isolated, with the points worded slightly differently in the two examples so they work as an overall argument. Notice too that in both versions we have ‘however’ in one of the points, emphasising the ‘however’ moment in the thesis. This is what you want your paragraph points to be like.
How to write a conclusion
In order to complete your conceptualised response, as well as writing all the evidence and analysis for each of your paragraphs, you should try to write a conclusion as well. This will be the last thing you write and, in an exam, when time is short, you may not have time to write this part of an essay. This is not the end of the world. If you’ve done a good job with the rest of the essay, you should be okay. But, in an ideal world, you should finish with a conclusion.
But what do you put in the conclusion? Well, it’s very simple, really. You just restate your thesis in slightly different words, incorporating any other ideas that you’ve come up with as you wrote your essay. You should think of the conclusion as a kind of Thesis 2.0. You’re not saying anything that you’ve not already said in the essay — you’re just summing up and reminding the reader of all the most important points, including the ‘however’ moment in your argument. There’s no big system or set of rules for this. Just draw your essay to a neat close, ideally with a bit of a rhetorical flourish — a nice bit of neat phrasing near the end (see underlined sections below).
Let’s look at two examples using the two main theses we’ve looked at in this guide:
Ultimately, Charlotte Perkins Gilman uses ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’ to highlight the problems she sees in the highly patriarchal system in which she lived. Because men had all the power, and many women (like Jenny) accepted this, women’s lives were sometimes damaged in profound ways. This was especially true for those suffering from mental health issues because all the doctors were men. However, crucially, she does not demonise the men in her story: John genuinely means well, even if his behaviour is often intensely irritating for modern readers. But as a product of a patriarchal society, even his good intentions have negative consequences. The solution, then, Perkins Gilman suggests, is not to change the men but to change the system by liberating women and democratising power.
In conclusion, both Tennyson and Bukowski emphasise the powerfully negative effect that the death of a loved one can have on a person: it is not just sadness but despair that bereavement can bring about — a sense that nothing matters any more. However, looking at the two poems together, we can see that time does heal. It doesn’t take the pain away — we never forget the people for whom we have grieved deeply — but there is perhaps some hope; there is light at the end of the dark tunnel.
You should be able to see from these examples that they just repeat the thesis in slightly more detail and bring the essay to a nice, neat end. Your conclusion should be slightly longer than your introduction for this reason. Otherwise, you just need to write it in the moment and hope for the best. If you’re doing it straight after writing your essay, you should be well placed to sum things up nicely.
A practical guide to writing a conclusion
Start with an introductory adverbial – I’m very fond of ”Ultimately” but other options are available (In conclusion, To conclude, In summary, etc)
Quickly re-read your thesis (if you’ve got time)
Then, without looking at the thesis again, paraphrase it, adding the best thing (or things) you thought of while actually writing the essay that you notice now were not in your thesis
Try to end with a flourish, if you can – it’s the last thing your marker will read; leave them on a high
How to plan and write a conceptualised response in an exam
To round this guide off, we just want to explain how all this will work in practice in an exam. These are essentially the steps:
You will come up with your thesis first — not the exact wording but the core idea that you want to argue for, including its complexity — its ‘however’ moment(s)
Then you will think about what possible parts of the text you might write about to prove your thesis
Then you will plan your paragraphs, both how many and what each paragraph point will be —again, not the exact wording of the paragraph point, but roughly what it will contain.
During Step 3 you will also consider which of the possible parts of the text you thought about in Step 2 you will use as your evidence in each paragraph
You should write all of this down as your essay plan, perhaps including the evidence
You will not plan your conclusion
Then, when you start writing the essay, you will turn the plan into the proper wording for the thesis and each of the paragraph points, once you get to them in the writing
Finally, you will write the conclusion in full, as discussed above
Here’s what the plans for the two essays we’ve looked at in this guide might look like in an actual exam. Notice how they use short phrases rather than full sentences, plus abbreviations: you don’t want to waste lots of time writing everything out in full in the plan; you just need to write enough to capture your thoughts so you can remind yourself of what they were later on when you’re writing your essay. Notice also that they both contain the word ‘but’, which is a short way of saying ‘however’, capturing that key ‘however moment’ even in the plan.
Example essay plan 1 (The Yellow Wallpaper):
Thesis: male power hurts men and women but nasty men not problem - it’s the system
Para 1: hurts men and women – narrator + John
Para 2: individual men not problem – J means well
Para 3: system is the problem – e.g. doctors
Example essay plan 2 (Poetry comparison):
Thesis: grief is painful – very bad at start (For Jane) but gets easier (Dark House)
Para 1: grief causes pain (both)
Para 2: despair in the early days of grieving (FJ)
Para 3: some hope, but still not ok (DH)
Summing up – key things to remember when writing a conceptualised response to an essay question
You need to come up with a core concept which you will try to prove across your whole essay
You will outline this concept in your thesis which will be like a miniature answer to the question
Your thesis needs to address the question, be unified, ideas-based and interesting, and it should only be a few sentences long
Your thesis needs to have some kind of ‘however’ moment - an awareness that you can see more than one side of the question
You will then use each of your paragraphs to explain an aspect of your thesis
Your paragraphs points should build on one another – they need to be in the right order – and they should be connected to one another
You should try to round off your essay with a conclusion (Thesis 2.0) which sums up your concept in slightly more detail, including the best stuff from your essay
You should use this framework to create a plan for your essay before you start writing